If I Win the Lottery…

My phone would vibrate (it’s always on vibration mode because ringtones just piss me). I would stare at the new number thinking whether I should pick it up or just ignore it. Then I would pick it up. The operator on the other end would inquire about my name and such details and then the good news would come. I will have won the lottery, some insanely huge amount. Don’t get me wrong but at first I would not jump around or make any fuss about the winning. In this parts of the woods I have seen enough pranksters to just get excited over a call. But after some convincing I would accept my luck.
Next on my agenda would be to fast-track the receipt of my winning. Then it will just be the downhill spiral. First, I would get someone who would find me a loophole to either not pay or pay the least taxes on my recent loot. You should understand with all the corruption around I am not feeling particularly patriotic on doing my civic duty.
Being a Christian having been brought up with that as my religion comes the next part. A tithe is paramount. Stealing from the Almighty would be sacrilegious to say the least. I am not sure whether I would be comfortable giving such a lump sum to a church instead the amount of my tithe I would put into some good causes (charities whose main mission is all about changing lives).
Then trouble would start. I would move out to a posh neighborhood, get me a chef and a live-in nanny. My king-like lifestyle will have started. And icing on the cake I would get me a top of the range machine. Not just any car. A Rolls Royce phantom and a chauffeur. You will understand old money doesn’t get new money unless you make a statement. A blissful life you could call it.
I know by now some of you are frowning. How could this guy be so naïve? He comes across such luck and then just shoots himself in the foot. Well recently I came across a saying in the book The Richest Man in Babylon ‘A part of all you earn is yours to keep.’ By such a time I will have given part of the sum to a professional to multiply it on my behalf. So my extravagant living will just be on a part of the budget. So what would happen when the well runs dry? I would auction off the house and the car and retire to some shack in the countryside. Why you ask? When I could just get additional funds from my investments. Well to cleanse myself of that life. To remind myself of where I come from least I get addicted to living an existence that is not mine.
You could call that the perfect mix of brilliance and stupidity. I hope I win the lottery.