I know what it feels like…nothing really matters.
Pardon the title. I am lost for words(to just gather the courage to write this letter is taking everything I got). My conscience is torn to say the least. One part is urging me forward. The other is frowning pitying my efforts that to understate it sees as foolish. Do I leave it here before I pour out my heart out to you? What if we are meant to be? Or am I just infatuated?
Have you ever found yourself at a crossroad?(I know you have. So I hope you understand where I am coming from). When did it start? How did I know it was you? How long has it been since? Foolish questions those ones. Don’t ask them please. How should I know?(if you woke up in a den of lions, what would be more important staying alive or figuring out you got there? Priorities).
If I was not the girl I am today I would have already said something. But we are who we are. Besides someone said to me in this part of the world these things are the other way around (team renegades. Yeayy!! ).
All along I have been giving you subtle hints (Are you blind? Pardon me going off the handle there. Its just…). The other day I was in that flowing dress you said I looked beautiful. For a second there the world belonged to me. “I like you.” I should have said those words sooner. Three words. It’s like my whole existence is hanging on the balance and those words will rescue me (actually I am yet to decide whether the words or you will save me. All in due time).
The other day. Yes just the other day. In a moment of weakness I almost told you. Instead we talked about bitter (okay sweet) nothings. The moment never came. Or could it be there is no perfect moment? Lord give me a sign (and don’t forget to grant me strength. Just in case).
What are you afraid of? What could go wrong? Again you ask all the wrong questions. In my mind a million and one things could go wrong. What if this feeling is not mutual? What happens then? What if it is mutual? Will things change between us?
Can I possibly get a heart of stone? ( any craftsman out there up to the task feel free to send me your inventory). The way my heart beats around you only serves as a reminder that its still fragile. I am not sure I can handle rejection. Broken hearts. Tears. They scare me. I am terrified, if only you could hold me in your arms.
You are a bad sport. Always seeming to be in a rush. I love being around you. Listening to you talk is like watching the sunrise. The feeling just cant be captured correctly by words. What is happening to me? Could I be going nuts? What are these feelings flowing through me? Why cant I fight it?(is anyone out there seeing the flares I am sending out? Come to my rescue).
I probably should stop now before I say something I might regret later. Hopefully you will get the message. Don’t torture me any longer. Make it look normal like it came from you (Ill owe you). In case you didn’t catch it. I like you.