”True Love,hard to find and even harder to keep it…the thing we most desire”


First, I start this article with a disclaimer. Some may find my inspiration to this piece a little bit emotional but to my defense even for guys once in a while it’s good to get in touch with that side (It won’t make you any less of a man). Hopefully that is out of the way let me get into it.
On a Sunday evening, bored and unable to get any sleep, I decided to go through my sister’s laptop. After completing an Indian film (the sheer beauty of their women to this day startles me), luckily or unluckily I come across the TV series Being Mary Jane. It was the second season but with nothing better to do that evening I settled on watching the film. For those unfamiliar it’s a program that centers around this character by the same name as the title, focusing primarily on her life, personal and social.
Initially, my plans were to only watch the first episode. Her love life however were among the things that started to get my attention beside the fact that she seemed like a very opinionated lady. It was not all rosy when you consider her luck when it came to men, she was caught up with this guy who had impregnated another woman (ouch! Imagine that situation?). Nevertheless, she still holds on to the dream of one day finding her a man and having her own family.
Then in between the series something happened that I couldn’t help ignore. This one time she is arguing with her father about kids and men and she opens up and tells him that what she really wishes for is to have something close to what her parents have. The response her father gave was the eye opening moment; simply put he told her that back in the day when they met with the mother things were completely different. Could this be true?
Think for a second longer. Could it be that we are going through this whole find the love of your life and start a family thing in the wrong way? Could it be that we have mixed up too much fantasy and confused it with the reality of our times? I know at some point we have probably looked into the past for inspiration on our present situation, but on this whole marriage issue could we be getting it wrong. Fifty or sixty years ago the playbook was different, societal expectations were not what they are right now. Maybe even the definition of what love is has changed.
The world around us is constantly changing, even in the corridors of finance and business they have rewritten their rules to conform to the times. So why not do the same with marriage and family? I stand to be corrected but it could be that the whole fabric of family upon which any society is built upon is not rotting away contrary to popular belief. It could be that the priorities changed but we have not.
The modern day man and woman need to change. Their expectations and that of the society could be what are plaguing this institution. It’s funny that despite changing to keep up with the times at the end of the day we want the status quo to remain when it comes to marriage. The modern man today still expects that her woman having been out all day working same as him that at the end of the day she should still be there to attend to his needs when he gets home from work. The modern woman is educated and working on her career and at the same time expected to be the timid wife when it comes to family. The society is putting too much pressure on its children to have them successful in both their career aspirations and at the same time expecting them to have families that for lack of a better way to put it conform to the old times.
The point I am trying to put across is that something has changed. It may be that we will need to change on a few things or compromise on others but at the end of the day something has got to give. It could be we all need to have a conversation about the whole issue, giving everyone an equal opportunity to be heard (aren’t we living at a time when equality seems to be the driving force?). Do not be afraid to have that conversation, maybe it’s a revolution that needs to happen after all we are talking about the fabric of the society.



Add yours

  1. I believe tv and movies have got us to the point where many of us don’t understand what love is. There are days my husband is undeniably sexy. There are days when he feels more like a roommate. There are days I storm away in anger before I say something I’ll regret. What I have come to understand is that this is love. There have been times when I didn’t feel like loving him, but I did anyway. That’s what society is really missing. Love is more than a feeling love is an action, and there will come a time when you don’t feel like loving. They’ve hurt you and you want to hurt back, but lasting love requires your love even in those moments or days when you don’t feel it.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Those are some thought provoking ideas. I too can see myself looking back in nostalgia and thinking that’s the way things should still work – yet, the pieces start falling apart when I remember the discrimination and dividing issues of that time. (Maybe it wasn’t working so well after all.) It IS time to figure out the “new” so we can we can find a new harmony together. in lak’ech, Debra

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hmmmm

    As a “modern day man” I am not sure I agree with the statement that we expect women to remain “the same.” I am not sure what the “same” is really since I have always done most of the cleaning, cooking, and grocery shopping my whole life. I also take care of my kids 50% of the time or more. I’d love to meet some of these women that do all that. Do they exist? 🙂


  4. Great post.
    I’ve learned just to be myself and let my wife be herself. Meaning if she cook great and if she doesn’t it’s not the end of the world. I know how to cook.
    Our marriage and love for one another have grown because we learned to embrace each other differences.


    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi,
    I know Vernon. You are asking difficult questions. I don’t know the answers. Marriage and our expectations may be generational, but I like the expectations of the past generation.
    Congratulations on being Danny Ray’s featured blogger. I met you on his site. I was his featured blogger too. Maybe you can check out my site if you need a blogging tip or too. That’s what I write about.

    Liked by 1 person

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